Re-invent Your "Why"

Before I was an ultrarunner I was an Ironman triathlete. I cared a lot about my time, in fact that was all I cared about for a while. Forget the fact that I was young, healthy, and had the physical and financial means to participate in the sport… I wanted to be faster, pure and simple.

I bought into the idea of a “faster” bike. I purchased the best equipment that I could afford at the time, and I trained my ass off. I punished myself for poor performances… I saw my time as a measure of my self-worth. At one point I was working full time, finishing off a college degree AND training for Ironman Hawaii. I was not a paid athlete, not even an ambassador. I was fueled by youth, ambition, and an over inflated ego.

I competed several years in this way, pushing…logging each workout, striving to take seconds off my swim splits until finishing Ironman Louisville in tears because I was “slow”.  It wasn’t until the next day at the after party as I was looking at my finishing pictures that I saw it, a frown as I was crossing the finish line of an IRONMAN. I had just finished an event that so many people will never have the means to do and I appeared as if my dog just died. In order to last in this sport something had to change, that something was my attitude.

Fast forward to 2018. I am an endurance coach and ultrarunner. I work with people every day that remind me of my former self. Pushing, and punishing themselves to compete in the sport they supposedly love. They come to me crying, they come to me looking for some consolation that they are worthy enough, that they will get faster, that they will win, that they won’t be last. The truth is that some of you will not get faster, some of you will never win, and some of you will be last. Should you beat yourself into pieces, should you give up all together?

I recently competed in an ultramarathon which went up to the top of a mountain and back down. The sun was shining and it was a beautiful day. I ran with a simple Timex watch to remind me when to eat, I never looked at it.  As I came back into town I ran on the outskirts of a trailer park where a man sat in a wheel chair cheering on the runners as they went by. If that doesn’t hit you between the eyes I don’t know what will. The former me would have raced, trying to take seconds off my finishing time, trying to place in my age group, trying to prove my worthiness to myself… to others. The new me slowed down, waved enthusiastically at the man and yelled “THANK YOU” with tears in my eyes. I was grateful in that moment, grateful for this gift of movement, grateful to live everyday within this gift.

My message to you is simple, bask in the glory of movement. Give yourself a break. If you are not a paid athlete, chill the F*ck out. If you slow down don’t break yourself in two. You have a gift no matter how fast you are!  And for God’s sake…run without your Garmin watch every once in a while.